Christian?

Last night…i had a roommate go kinda crazyy. people coming over and such. at like 11:30 she was talking about how there were like 20 people across the hall and alcohol and all that jazz. she said they told her to come over but she was like….bad idea. but she did. and i heard people at 4:30am…other than that idk what happened.

today at church, the pastor was talking about the passage where it says what to do in the case of a believer who is in habitual sin. and i get all that. but what do you do with someone who legitimately thinks they’re Christian, but whose life doesn’t show that? is it possible for them to ever have given their life to Christ? what do you do with that? treat them like a Christian and approach them, or treat them as a non-Christian and not? idk.

To be known and loved

“Nobody who knows you completely can love you completely. There are people who think you’re great because they don’t really know you. There is nobody on the face of the earth who could know you to the bottom and love you to the skies. But we want that.

 When someone likes you but doesn’t know you, it’s not that satisfying. And when someone knows you and doesn’t like you, that certainly isn’t satisfying. What we want is to be utterly known and utterly loved.

And on that day, at the coming of the Lord, we’ll finally get what we’ve longed for – from Jesus and one another. We’ll be utterly known and utterly loved. Yes, the future is a world of love, the kind of love you want, a personal love.”

-Tim Keller

conviction. and life.

This has been a week of conviction. and if you read all of this…i will be impressed. cuz it is quiteee lengthyy. 

the first thing that happened was at church on sunday. we’ve been going through Ephesians, and the pastor took a little side-note at one point and saying how, today, a lot of times, churches say that baptism is an option. you can do it…you can not. whatevs. and he was like…it’s not an option. the Bible specifically says that Christians should be baptized. and i know this. however, i’ve never been baptized. i was never really convicted about it in high school. the past two years, i went to a church where i agreed with almost everything, except the way they did baptism. and now i’m going to a church…but i don’t really wanna get baptized there, cuz i know family would wanna come, and that could be kinda difficult for my grandparents. i don’t wanna do it at providence, cuz i don’t reeally go there. i don’t wanna do it at summit cuz i don’t reeally go there. maybe i should just get over all that and do it.

number two. ruf tonight. matt was talking about a passage in judges. and he was really just talking about things i’d heard before…but it was convicting. one thing matt was saying was that we all have fear of something. for him it was the fear of looking stupid. he was saying that he was going to counseling last semester and just realized that. in school, he hated class discussions and would never talk because he was afraid of getting something wrong (who does that sounds like?…me.) and i think that’s similar for me. i’m afraid of getting things wrong. i’m afraid of not getting peoples’ approval. i think i’ve gotten a little better with this…but it’s still there. a lot.

i feel like my life doesn’t really make sense. i live my life…go to class. freak about hw. go to work occasionally. repeat. and this semester has been especially crazy in regards to hw. it’s really all i do. i hardly call/talk to anyone back home…it’s ridiculous. i’m sooo concerned with grades. with teachers’ approval. with being as good as other people in my classes. tonight, matt was like…what if we looked at your life? would we see fruit? and for me, the answer is weird. like…i live like a Christian in some ways…i don’t get drunk every weekend. i don’t curse. etc. but i’m not in my Bible everyday. i’m not constantly seeking Christ. …i’m just not. i feel like i’ve been putting off my Christian life til i graduate and move to south america or whatever. because i have such a passion for that. but where i am right now, i don’t even do the “minimum.” and it makes me mad at myself. and yet i don’t change. 

i guess part of my problem is that, in the united states, Christianity can seem so fake. most churches teach without really talking about the Gospel continually. Christian radio usually gives such and ideal look at everything. this would be so much easier if life wasn’t so easy. i mean, seriously. how many of us are worrying about what we’re gonna eat? or about our actual lives? …no. i’m worried about my spanish paper due saturday. i mean…really? i kinda just want my relationship with God to be way closer and way more real. and i want life to be hard if it takes that.

to remember: “God does not call the qualified. God qualifies the called.”